The Wrestling Doghouse with the “King of Villains” Bulldog Milenko (Vol. 3): WrestleMania XXIX…the worst EVER! And the state of the WWE as of 4/9/2013.
Alright people…it’s time once again for me to address the WWE and what they’ve done as of late.
First things first. WrestleMania XXIX was possibly the biggest steaming pile of rhinoceros shit that WWE Creative has EVER served up as a WM offering. They had the chance to do SO MANY huge things for this show and didn’t capitalize on a single one. I’ll provide a point-by-point synopsis of what happened and my opinion of what SHOULD have happened.
1. Orton, Sheamus & Big Show vs. The Shield – This had so much more potential for Randy Orton to make his heel turn and betray Sheamus & Big Show, and potentially claim that he was behind The Shield all along. However, in the end, The Shield won, Big Show turned on Sheamus & Orton…and nobody was really shocked at all. There was no big twist to this story. It was filler, pure and simple. OBSERVATION: Is it just me or do all three of these guys (Ambrose, Reigns & Rollins) seem like they all have the potential to become HUGE superstars over the next few years? I thought Seth Rollins was dead about three times last night. That guy takes some serious punishment that rivals Johnny Devine (former TNA wrestler)!
2. Ryback vs. Mark Henry – This match was a major shithole. However, the fact that Ryback pulled the J-O-B to Henry was a good swerve. It just wasn’t enough of an impact to warrant so much hype around this match.
3. WWE Tag Team Title match: Team Hell No vs. DOLPH fuckin’ ZIGGLER & Big E Langston – This match didn’t disappoint. It was exciting, it was a great debut for Big E Langston. It had the crowd RILED up! Now, being the Ziggler mark that I am, I was hoping for he and Big E to win the titles, though I knew it wasn’t likely. Even so, this was actually a really good match.
4. Chris Jericho vs. Fandango – This match would have been COMPLETELY atrocious if not for Jericho’s ability to carry ANY and EVERYONE he ever sets foot in the ring with. Fandango was WAY too overhyped and didn’t produce anywhere NEAR the level he should have. He feels rushed, rough, unpolished and unready for the big time. I knew Jericho would put him over simply because he’s not an egomaniac and has always been supportive of boosting young, upcoming talent. I’m just not sure that Fandango quite falls into that category. He seems more like the untalented bastard child of Rick “The Model” Martel and Disco Inferno.
5. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE match: Alberto Del Rio vs. “The Weal Amewican” Jack Thwaggew – Everyone was expecting it. Everyone was waiting for it. Everyone was clamoring for it. But it never happened. No one…I repeat…NO ONE, cared who won this match. The only thing anyone cared about was hearing “I’m here to show the world” begin blaring through the speakers once the match was finished. It didn’t happen. I’ll address Dolph’s title win in a little bit, but this being MANIA, well, this is where it SHOULD have happened.
6. Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H – This match was okay at best. It was “no holds barred”. What should have been a brutal, all out blood bath, was more of a toned down suplex show with guest appearances by a chair, steel steps, table and a sledgehammer. This match had the potential to be the show-stealer, and it never even came close. Now, Lesnar is 1-2 in his return. What are they planning on doing with him further? Seems to me they should figure it out quickly.
7. WWE CHAMPIONSHIP match: The Rock vs. John Cena – This match was boring. It seemed to be one finisher after another, followed by one kickout after another. High spot after high spot. We all knew Cena would win because The Rock is an absentee champion. But, if the WWE wanted to have the biggest WrestleMania swerve (possibly of all time), this is what should have happened. The referee should have been knocked out inadvertently by either Cena or Rock. Just as The Rock hits a Rock Bottom on Cena, the lights go out. When they come back on, The Rock is laid out in the middle of the ring with The Shield standing around him and Cena sitting in the corner with a look of disbelief and shock…which would slowly turn to a grin as he looked around at the crowd. Cena then gets up, picks Rock up and delivers the “AA” just as the referee is waking up…goes for the pin…1-2-3. The majority of the crowd goes wild while all the little kids and women shed tears as Cena celebrates with The Shield! Then, Cena begins to further beat the shit outta’ The Rock and finish it off with a “5 Knuckle Shuffle”, climb a turnbuckle with the belt as the members of The Shield climb the other 3 turnbuckles holding their hands up. JBL, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are in disbelief over what they’ve just witnessed. This could have been a bigger heel turn that when Hogan formed the nWo! But no…that would be TOO creative.
8. CM Punk vs. Undertaker – The match that stole the show! This was epic in every sense of the word. These two men are MASTERS of their craft and understand the concept of telling a story in the ring with their actions. This may be one of the top 10 WM matches I’ve ever seen. It could’ve lasted an hour and there wouldn’t have been ANYONE who would’ve complained…and if anyone would have, they wouldn’t have deserved the performance they just had the privilege of seeing. I was pulling for Punk to end the streak. I’m a big Undertaker fan, but I was actually hoping to see Punk pull this off. But the Dead Man prevailed to further his WM endeavors to 21-0. Which leads me to wonder who will face him next year. In any case, this was the only match that was truly worthy of being a part of WrestleMania!
WWE should be ashamed with what they delivered to us this year. It was horrible! Perhaps it’s time to get an ENTIRELY different creative writing staff and get some fresh perspective on what the product should be. This is the end of my WrestleMania rant, and I’ll now proceed to my State of the WWE.
State of the WWE as of 4/9/2013
It FINALLY happened! DOLPH fuckin’ ZIGGLER is the World Heavyweight Champion! And as he said in his interview “It’s about damn time”! The Showoff Era has begun, and I may be more excited about it than Mr. Ziggler himself! This is possibly the best decision that WWE Creative has made in the past year. With that being said, here’s my take on the direction WWE should head over the course of the next year.
1. Cena’s heel turn. It’s time. He’s the face who has overstayed his welcome. It’s over. Stop cramming it down our throats and insulting us with his tired gimmick. There’s nothing left for him to do as a babyface. NOTHING! It’s time for him to get his true chance to shine as a top heel in the company while WWE focuses on creating the next huge face, or two. As I mentioned earlier, if this is done properly, it could rival Hogan’s heel turn to form the nWo!
2. Finish what you started with the tag team division. It’s obvious that you realized it was heading nowhere, and conveniently someone offered you up a gameplan, FOR FREE no less, showing you how to fix it. In case you’re new to this blog and don’t know what I’m talking about, click here. But it seems like WWE stopped mid-project and have begun to let the wheels spin again. So…here’s the step-by-step instructions for you to fix it without leaving your inept creative team in charge of the decisions. A.) Get new tag team belts…those things are horrendous looking. B.) Put new teams together with under-utilized talent (ie: Tyson Kidd, Justin Gabriel, Zack Ryder, Evan Bourne, Curt Hawkins, etc.) and actually put some thought on how they come together. Don’t just throw them out there, but work out storylines to bring them together. C.) Primo & Epico and the Usos just aren’t cutting it. It’s time to either make them interesting or send them packin’. D.) Create a tag team tournament…use it to potentially create surprise alliances, as well as potentially bring back some returning superstars, or for a debut or two!
3. Create the next “stable” or “faction”. I’m still in love with my idea of “The European Union” consisting of Sheamus, Wade Barrett, Drew McIntyre and Antonio Cesaro with William Regal as their manager. This group could be amazing and would most likely force the alliance of other superstars to form a rival group. There needs to be a revival of factions in the WWE. The Shield is a good start, but there needs to be other groups. This is, and always has been, a great way to incorporate lower tier guys into the show and give them a solid push.
4. Antonio Cesaro should be catapulted into main event status within 6-8 months. He’s phenomenal to watch in the ring. He can cut promos with the best of ’em. Not to mention, he’s got a mean streak that’s just BEGGING to be showcased. He should be a top 10 talent by next WM.
5. The thing with Khali…yeah, it’s over. Stop wasting valuable television time that could be better used to push younger talent or move storylines along. I know…it’s crazy.
6. Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk & The Miz. Can you see another faction forming?
7. Chris Jericho + WWE Championship makes the perfect Survivor Series ending.
8. Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow should remain intact as The Rhodes Scholars. They should also be made the tag team champions by Summer Slam.
9. Bring back King of the Ring…and make it MEANINGFUL again!!!
10. Royal Rumble 2014 winner = Someone who has never won it before and has never held a major championship. My pick? Any member of The Shield. I don’t care which one. Any one of them should be ready to co-main event next WrestleMania.
11. The final suggestion that I’ll leave you with is this. DOLPH fuckin’ ZIGGLER should be allowed, at some point, within the next year…to become the next UNDISPUTED champion and reunite the WWE Championship and World Heavyweight Championship. Even if only for a month or two. This could be a lead-in to a great Triple Threat match where both titles are on the line, whoever scores the first fall wins or retains the WWE Championship and whoever scores the second wins or retains the World Heavyweight Championship. It would be wise to transition Dolph to the WWE Championship at this point and free the World Heavyweight Championship up for another talent boost. This could also be the catalyst for my suggested Survivor Series match where Chris Jericho could win the WWE Championship from Ziggler, and reignite their rivalry to culminate again at either Royal Rumble…or possibly WrestleMania XXX!!!
Alright kids. That’s it for this installment of The Wrestling Doghouse. Please feel free to comment below and be sure to follow me and share this blog with your friends so they can bear witness to my rants and ramblings also.
And, oh yeah…DOLPH fuckin’ ZIGGLER is the World Heavyweight Champion!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!